The Loss of a Pet

Intense grief over losing a beloved pet is normal and natural. Don't let anyone tell you that it's silly, crazy, or overly sentimental to grieve!

During the years you spent with your cat (even if they were few), s/he became a significant and constant part of your life. People love their pets and consider them members of their family. Owners celebrate their pets' birthdays, confide in their animals and carry pictures of them in their wallets. So when your beloved cat dies, it's not unusual to feel overwhelmed by the intensity of your sorrow. Animals provide companionship, acceptance, emotional support, and unconditional love during the time they share with you. If you understand and accept this bond between humans and animals, you've already taken the first step toward coping with the death of your cat: knowing that it is okay to grieve when your pet dies. So don't be surprised if you feel devastated by the loss of such a relationship.

People who don't understand the pet/owner bond may not understand your pain. All that matters, however, is how you feel. Don't let others dictate your feelings: They are valid, and may be extremely painful. But remember, you are not alone - thousands of pet owners have gone through the same thing.

What Is the Grieving Process?

The grieving process is as individual as the person, lasting days for one person or years for another. The process typically begins with denial, which offers protection until individuals can realize their loss. Some feel anger, which may be directed at anyone involved with the pet, including family, friends, and veterinarians. Owners may also feel guilt about what they did or did not do, and may feel that it is inappropriate to be so upset. After these feelings subside, owners may experience true sadness or grief. They may become withdrawn or depressed. Acceptance occurs when they accept the reality of the death of their cat and remember their animal companion with decreasing sadness. Remember, not everyone follows these classic stages of grief — some may skip or repeat a stage, or experience the stages in a different order.

How Do You Cope with Your Grief?

While grief is a personal experience, you need not face the death of your cat alone. Many forms of support are available, including pet bereavement counseling services, pet-loss support hotlines, local or online Internet bereavement groups, books, videos, and magazine articles. Here are a few suggestions to help you cope:

• Acknowledge your grief and give yourself permission to express it.

• Don't hesitate to reach out to others who can lend a sympathetic ear.

• Write about your feelings, either in a journal or a poem.

• Call your local humane society to see whether it offers a pet loss support group or can refer you to one. You may also want to ask your veterinarian or local animal shelter about available pet loss hotlines.

• Explore the Internet for pet loss support groups and coping information.

• Prepare a memorial for your pet

When Is The Right Time To Euthanize A Pet?

There may come a time when you need to make a decision about having your cat put to sleep due to health problems. Your veterinarian is the best judge of your pet's physical condition; however, you are the best judge of the quality of your cat's daily life. If a cat has a good appetite, responds to attention, seeks its owner's company, and participates in play or family life, many owners feel that this is not the time. However, if a cat is in constant pain, undergoing difficult and stressful treatments that aren't helping greatly, unresponsive to affection, unaware of its surroundings, and uninterested in life, a caring cat owner will probably choose to end the beloved companion's suffering.

Evaluate your cat's health honestly and unselfishly with your veterinarian. Prolonging any pet's suffering in order to prevent your own ultimately helps neither of you. Nothing can make this decision an easy or painless one, but it is truly the final act of love that you can make for your cat.

Should You Stay During Euthanasia?

Many feel this is the ultimate gesture of love and comfort you can offer your pet. Some feel relief and comfort themselves by staying - they were able to see that their pet passed peacefully and without pain, and that it was truly gone. For many, not witnessing the death (and not seeing the body) makes it more difficult to accept that the pet is really gone. However, this can be traumatic, and you must ask yourself honestly whether you will be able to handle it. Uncontrolled emotions and tears, though natural, are likely to upset your pet.

Some clinics are more open than others to allowing the owner to stay during euthanasia. Some veterinarians are also willing to euthanize a pet at home. Others have come to an owner's car to administer the injection. Again, consider what will be least traumatic for you and your pet, and discuss your desires and concerns with your veterinarian. If your clinic is not able to accommodate your wishes, request a referral.

Having to euthanise a cat is something I've gone through myself and, while it was difficult (as is witnessing the death of anyone close to you), I found it gave me a chance to really say goodbye. I guess my view is that nobody (human or animal) should ever have to die alone.

What To Do Next?

With the death of your cat, you must choose how to handle its remains. Sometimes, in the midst of grief, it may seem easiest to leave the pet at the clinic for disposal. Check with your clinic to find out whether there is a fee for such disposal. Some shelters also accept such remains, though many charge a fee for disposal.

If you prefer a more formal option, several are available. Home Burial is a popular choice, if you have sufficient property for it. It is economical and enables you to design your own funeral ceremony at little cost. However, city regulations usually prohibit pet burials, and this is not a good choice for renters or people who move frequently.

To many, a pet cemetery provides a sense of dignity, security, and permanence. Owners appreciate the serene surroundings and care of the gravesite. Cemetery costs vary depending on the services you select, as well as upon the type of pet you have. Cremation is a less expensive option that allows you to handle your pet's remains in a variety of ways: bury them (even in the city), scatter them in a favorite location, place them in a columbarium, or even keep them with you in a decorative urn (of which a wide variety are available).

Check with your veterinarian, pet shop, or phone directory for options available in your area. Consider your living situation, personal and religious values, finances, and future plans when making your decision. It's also wise to make such plans in advance, rather than hurriedly in the midst of grief.

If you'd rather keep

How Are Children Affected?

The death of your cat may be your child's first experience with death. The child may blame himself, his parents, or the veterinarian for not saving the cat. And he may feel guilty, depressed, and frightened that others he loves may be taken from him.

You are the best judge of how much information your children can handle about death and the death of your cat. Don't underestimate them, however. You may find that, by being honest with them about your cat's loss, you may be able to address some fears and misperceptions they have about death.

Honesty is important. If you say the cat was "put to sleep, " make sure your children understand the difference between death and ordinary sleep. Never say the pet "went away, " or your child may wonder what he or she did to make it leave, and wait in anguish for its return. That also makes it harder for a child to accept a new pet. Make it clear that the pet will not come back, but that it is happy and free of pain. If you have a young child, books like Barn Kitty and Pet Loss: A Thoughful Guide for Adults and Children may help you and your child through the grieving process.

Never assume a child is too young or too old to grieve. Never criticize a child for tears, or tell them to "be strong" or not to feel sad. Be honest about your own sorrow; don't try to hide it, or children may feel required to hide their grief as well. Discuss the issue with the entire family, and give everyone a chance to work through their grief at their own pace.

Is the Process More Difficult For Seniors?

If you're a senior, coping with the death of your cat can be particularly hard. Those who live alone may feel a loss of purpose and an immense emptiness. The pet's death may also trigger painful memories of other losses and remind owners of their own mortality. What's more, the decision to get another pet is complicated by the possibility that the pet may outlive the owner, and hinges on the person's physical and financial ability to care for a new pet.

For all these reasons, it's critical that senior pet owners take immediate steps to cope with their loss and regain a sense of purpose. If you are a senior, try interacting with friends and family, calling a pet loss support hotline, even volunteering at a local humane society. If you know seniors in this situation, direct them to this web page and guide them through the difficult grieving process.

Will My Other Pets Grieve?

Surviving pets may whimper, refuse to eat or drink, and suffer lethargy, especially if they had a close bond with the deceased cat. Even if they were not the best of friends, the changing circumstances and your emotional state may distress them. Give surviving pets lots of TLC ("tender loving care") and try to maintain a normal routine. It's good for them and for you.

Should I Get Another Cat?

Rushing into this decision isn't fair to you or your new cat. Each animal has his own unique personality and a new animal cannot replace the one you lost. You'll know when the time is right to adopt a new cat after giving yourself time to grieve, carefully considering the responsibilities of pet ownership, and paying close attention to your feelings. When you are ready, remember that your local animal shelter is a great place to find your next special friend.

Cloning Your Cat

This is one option I'm not personally in favor of but it might be for you. While the cloned cat will look identical to your deceased pet, it's personality may be different as it grows older. Your cloned cat will have dispositions towards certain behaviors and responses due to its genetics, but the environment its raised in will not be identical to that of your original cat and different environemntal factors may infulence the devlopment of you cloned cat's personality. That's not to say the personality will be better or worse, just different. Look at it this way - how many sets of identical twins have the same personalities despite having the same genetic make-up and being raised in the same environment? There are always random factors involved. Every personality is unique and passes by this way only once.

However, if you feel that cloning is an option that will help you cope with the death of your cat, you should do some background reading first. The National Geographic have a news item on pet cloning and some people's reaction to it. Genetic Savings and Clone were a company that offered a cat cloning service within the U.S.m but they are no longer in business. You can gene bank your pet with ViaGen for $1500. They do not provide a cloning service however.

Saying Goodbye

A dignified and fitting farewell to a beloved cat can contribute to the easing of emotional trauma for a pet owner. The opportunity to pay tribute to your beloved pet grants closure to your pet's death and is an important step in the grieving process and a variety of memorials and ways to pay tribute to your cat are now available:

• Personalized Faithful Friend Cat Memorial Stone

• Cat Pet Memorial Plaque

• Faithful Friend Pet Memorial Stone & Urn

• Gentle Spirits Angel Urn

• Granite Infinity Pet Monument Memorial

• Plant a Tree in Memory of Your Beloved Pet

A Poem For Those Grieving

Pet Loss Books

Here's a selection of books that may provide some help in dealing with the death of your cat:

Recommended Books Coping With Sorrow on the Loss of Your Pet This book provides a wealth of compassionate advice and specific coping strategies to help you deal with the death of a pet. This book calls upon the experiences and suggestions of dozens of pet owners across the U.S. who have dealt with loss. It covers the following topics: Am I the only person who feels this way?; What is "normal"? Am I "crazy" to be hurting so much?; How can I work through the pain I'm feeling?; What should I tell my children about the death of our pet?; How do I know whether it's "time" to euthanize a pet?; Will my other pets grieve for the loss of their companion?; What do I do if my pet is lost or runs away?; How can I protect my pets in an emergency?; How can I help my family cope?; What should I do with my pet's remains?; What if I have to give up my pet?; When should I get a new pet? When Only the Love Remains: The Pain of Pet Loss "The author could have been writing about my own pet. Her sincere, honest portrayal of her feelings touched me so much that I was able to write down my own feelings on paper about a much loved and missed pet. It was like she knew me and my pet. I could feel her pain of her loss--it matched mine. Her book gave me so many things to think about. I recommend this book highly and plan to share it with others who need help healing with the loss of a pet." - Cynthia Lindsay Angel Whiskers Laurel E. Hunt has gathered essays, poems and illustrations that bear witness to the timeless relationship between people and their cats. Contributors to Angel Whiskers: Reflections on Loving and Losing a Feline Companion include Thomas Hardy, Cleveland Amory, Wendy Wasserstein, George Abbee and 28 others, both well-known and not. To help readers grieving over the loss of a favorite feline, Hunt also includes a list of pet-loss resources. "This book has helped me release some of the pain suffered through losing my beloved feline friend. The deep realization that others also mourn such devoted pets, makes one feel less alone. The vintage photographs portray the love people can feel for these remarkable creatures known as Cats." - Amazon Reviewer A Snowflake in My Hand "The affecting cover painting drew me to buy this book, and it changed my life--I'm not exaggerating. I ended up requiring it for my college "Psychology of Loss" class and recommending it to my "People & Animals" class. Samantha Mooney grasps the preciousness and depth of each cat's life as she recalls the feline personalities she met on the animal cancer ward where she worked. Better than any professional manual I've read, Mooney's deceptively slim volume presents the issue of an animal's "quality of life, " and its place at the core of deciding whether and when to euthanize a beloved, sick companion animal. Blending genuine emotion with her professional commitment to care and assistance, Mooney captures the fragility of these brief lives--like snowflakes melting in the warmth of the human hand that would save their beauty and uniqueness--these brief lives that share and change our own. I came to love every cat remembered in these pages as I read and reread them, particularly Fledermaus, Mooney's tiny, mysterious friend, who has affected Mooney most of all. I passionately recommend this gem of a book to any reader interested not only in cats and any of the animals with whom we share the world, but also anyone who must deal with questions about the meaning and quality of life, the possibilities and limits of medical care, and the ways we risk love--and face grief in the wake of loss. I treasure my dog-eared (!) copy of "A Snowflake in My Hand, " and though I wish I knew Samantha Mooney personally, still I feel I have gotten to know her as well as the cats in her life, and to feel they are friends. As long as we keep our loved ones in memory, we do not lose them." - Ann Weber There is Eternal Life for Animals "Many people tell me how important their animals are to them. Some confide that they are closer to their pets than to family members. Many people take the loss of a dog or cat very hard. One way to work through the grief is to read about pet loss. There is Eternal Life for Animals is based on Bible scripture. The Bible tells us that God loves animals and that there are animals in Heaven. This book provides fascinating reading and consolation to those suffering from pet loss. As the author of The Older Cat; Recognizing Decline and Extending Life, I have done a lot of research and writing in this area. I can testify to the need for this book." - Dan Poynter

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This morning, I lost my best friend, Stewart, the rabbit, from Gastrointestianal issue. I loved him so much, and so did the rest of the family. We had him for three years, and when we took him to the vet, the vet said he would be fine. Please, Please, help me. How should I get over his loss? I held him for over and hour, and my family and I buried him with all his toys. I can't even go into the same room he was in without bursting into tears! Please help me!